0.1.5.2


The Sociopath's Guide to Modern Living
Contributed by Compute


Lesson One: Dining out, Alone

To make the proper impression, it is best to have a preferred restaurant. Pick one and stick with it. Repeated solitary visits will enforce the idea that you do not wish to be disturbed. If asked by a maitre d' how many are in your party, simply reply "one." In a firm tone of voice. Proceed to your table and sit, motionless. When greeted by your server, stare through them and refrain from nodding of any other gesture that may indicate that you are paying the slightest bit of attention to their incessant drivel. After gazing boredly at your menu, place your order in a monotone voice, answering any supplementary questions such as "would you like a salad with that?" with single word responses. While awaiting your food order, take this time to stare menacingly at the other patrons, be sure never to break eye contact first and do not be afraid to indulge in fantasies of what your would do to them were you to have them alone in a private place. Remember, they can read your face, but not your mind. When your order arrives, consume it slowly and with conviction. Never order dessert and leave exactly 15% to the penny, when finished.


Lesson Two: Conversation

As we all know, idle conversation is for the idiot masses, but at times, you will have to briefly engage in "pleasantries" with your inferiors. To make this experience easier on yourself, be sure to concentrate your cold gaze on their left ear, try not to blink often or at all and pause for longer than necessary before speaking. Also, make sure to use large words and vague references to classical literature to intimidate the other person intellectually, but not so many that they may find you interesting and wish to pursue conversation with you in the future. Timing is also important. If you feel the urge, simply walk away while the bothersome moron is in mid-sentence. Muttering something under your breath like "parrot" or "slave" as you leave will surely make a lasting impression and should help to avoid any future verbal confrontation with this insipid individual who dared approach a being so far superior to themselves.


Lesson Three: Beating

There will come a time when some insignificant worm stands between you and your goals. If standard intimidation through vicious looks and threats of malicious bodily harm do nothing to remove this obstacle, you may be forced to lay hand upon this disrespectful individual who refuses to bow to your obvious superiority. First, project a silent air of haughty self confidence. Make sure you do not telegraph your attack through useless gestures or verbiage. When you feel your opponent will least expect it, attack the throat and genitals relentlessly. Do not hesitate to rip and tear this worthless mongrel's flesh with your teeth. Feel free to kick them while they are down, it will teach them humility and respect. Do not waver in your no-holds-barred assault until your victim lies either whimpering or unconscious at your feet. Now, allow for a smug smile to cross your otherwise emotionless visage as you quietly gloat over their crumpled, twisted and well battered frame.


Lesson Four: Mind Games

Highly effective persuasion is the calling card of the experienced sociopath. To assist in your power of persuasion it is sometimes necessary to use mind games or "mind control" on your lessers. The first step in any mind game, be it slow mental torture or a quick bending of will, is to gain your victim's trust. Trust may be established through a variety of methods, the most effective of which being a benevolent act toward your subject. Supplying narcotics is a particularly productive method. After fulfilling their base desires, gently coax them into performing some menial and degrading task for you. This will help to build the master/slave bond in their weak mind. Be cautious to remain coldly aloof at all times. Demonstrate your satisfaction with your new pet through pinched smiles and head patting only. Do not be afraid to experiment, people besides yourself are a dime a dozen and worth significantly less. In only a few short days you should have cultivated a willing and obedient servant or carefully molded their psyche into a fragile mental playground existing only for your enjoyment.


Lesson Five: Disposal

So you've gone too far, at least by this loathsome and weak society's standards. Some insignificant nothing has outlived their usefulness or exhausted their play-learn potential and now you're wondering what to do with their fetid corpse. Although backyard burial or oral consumption may seem like a fine idea at the time, the most tried and true method of disposal is dismemberment. There are several recognized methods but the simplest is to line your bathtub with a large, water resistant tarp. Place the worthless fleshbag over the tarp and use a large, stainless steel carpenters saw to cut the plaything into pieces no larger than six square inches. Once this is accomplished, place each of the remnants into its own Hefty "Cinchsak" trash bag. Slowly dispose of the bags by mixing no more than three of them in with your regular refuse. This may take a few weeks depending on the size of your victim's body size prior to death and a foul stench may arise. If you find this bothersome or if it may inconvenience your attempts to lure others into your home, dousing the bags with 1/2 bottle of Olde Spice or some equally pungent fragrance each day will considerably lesson the smell, if not eliminate it all together.